it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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