her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
People in love make me want to vomit
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
