I'm lost and stupid without you.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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