Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Randomize
