Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
