you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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