1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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