he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize