In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
