finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
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