i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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