I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
