i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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