Dual....:-)
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
