Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
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