I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I have aggressive nipples.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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