You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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