There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
