covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
