And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Houston, we have a squirter
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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