Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
