I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
