Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
that is very illegal...i love you.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
