i think my tv is drunk
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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