I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Randomize
