The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
