some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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