I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
