In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
