and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
