He kissed a someone with a penis
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
this boner is exhausting
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
