Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
