I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
