apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
