I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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