Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
