She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
