Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize