i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
