If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
