rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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