I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
