Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
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shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
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I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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