i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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