i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
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