She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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