He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
