I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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