Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
40s are totally the cure
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
