i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
