Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
