dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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