i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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