My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
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