Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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