I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Are my feet made of real feet?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
