two words: eviction party
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
