dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
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