I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Randomize
