I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
