omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
You can't special order awesome
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
