is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
